people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
