dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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