Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
