to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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