Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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