FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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