One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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