And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
