I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
