The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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