really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize