i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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