SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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