Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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