Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
