I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
