He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
