Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
