i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Semen is not good for contacts.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
