Sponge bath it is.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
