do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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