watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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