Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
