Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
