I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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