I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
