I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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