conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
