my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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