so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.