Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
