Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.