I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A bitchslap is in order.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
