i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
