TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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