I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
