so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
