SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
