Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
