I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize