I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
