Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
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Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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