Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
