nut hugger
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
