I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
