so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
