Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
