dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
