were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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