Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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