I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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