I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
