My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
