K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
