I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
