remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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