I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
