Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
