a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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