She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
