His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize