I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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