he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
