Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
