I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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