woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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